my loneliness has become a large, large monster. i am always fighting it. but it makes me want to run away, run so far that i run into oblivion and i cease to exist at all. not in the sense that i want to die, or anything. it isn't like that. i would just enjoy it if i could disappear, all evidence of my existence........goes away. i look for unicorns, and rainbows and angels and four leaf clovers. and gold in the wild. and glitter. those things make me enjoy life. i have always wanted to disappear, or go missing. i think i want people to wonder about me, and think of me when i'm not around. but my loneliness and shame are two monsters that are always hanging heavy in my room. i wish that they would leave me be—but that isn't in their nature. i've known them for a long time. this is only how i feel. it is not as if i am being abused by people. it is only how i feel. feelings and reality are two enemies, sometimes. wow! i can highlight things in any color i fancy. how sweet is that. that is so cute. that's made my night.
i look for unicorns,
rainbows, four leaf
clovers, angels &
golden coins, if i
am lucky, i may see
glitter in nature.
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