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 my constant lonely feeling makes me so eager and fast to respond when someone does talk to me, i spill out everything i've been walking around with in my head, and i think that it overwhelms- or irritates the person i'm speaking to. if i could hard stop this behavior i would, but i'm not sure how to unlearn a thing like that. i am overall a bit down in the dumps today. i felt so sick knowing that my good friend is gone, and i do not even know why. i am not going to ask- if she isn't willing to reply to any other message, would good would that do? i won't be angry. i promised myself that i would be less hateful- less irritable, but if i do end up angry........i promised that i'd keep it to myself rather than telling my close circle, because if someone leaves the circle (as my good friend is now) my thoughts are just being severed from my view, and that is a jarring thought, to me. anyhow, i won't be angry. no, i'll try my hardest to be understanding, and not be hateful. i can be angry without being hateful. i am trying to be a good person. i want to be good, i want to be good, i want to be good, i want to be good, i will be good- one day. hopefully one day soon. this blogger website is very simple and helpful for placing my thoughts....and piecing them together in a way that feels better than the messy way that i text others. i am always so excited to receive a message. that is all, for today i think. i may update before bed. if any other thoughts come to me. you'll know.